


The Desert Tea Party

by Maisie_Malfoy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Don't Read This, Gen, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-22
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2019-02-05 07:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12789321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_Malfoy/pseuds/Maisie_Malfoy
Summary: Bellatrix, Fenrir, and Dolores have a tea party in the desert. Enough said.





	The Desert Tea Party

Fenrir Greyback, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Dolores Umbridge were all sitting in the Sahara Desert when Dolores decided they should have a tea party.

"A tea party? I haven't had one of those since I was seven!" said Bellatrix.

"Nonsense, Bella, we can dress like people's great-grandparents!" said Dolores excitedly. She randomly pulled out a great-grandma dress and offered one to Bellatrix.

"I'm not getting out of this, am I?"

Fenrir was already holding her down while Dolores pulled the dress over her head.

Bellatrix put Fenrir in a moth-eaten vest and a bow tie and he stopped laughing.

Dolores conjured a table and some puffy armchairs and forced Bellatrix and Fenrir to sit down.

"So, what flavor tea do you want?" asked Dolores. "I think I'll have some lemon tea."

"I like raspberry tea." said Fenrir.

"Death flavored." said Bellatrix.

Dolores conjured some tea in those flavors and handed them out.

"Yum!" said Fenrir. He wiped his mouth on his moth-eaten vest and licked the side of Dolores's face. Why be a werewolf if you exhibit good table manners?

"Yuck! This tastes like...death!" whined Bellatrix. She threw it over her shoulder and demanded Dolores make her a new cup.

"No, no, Bella, I don't feel like it at the moment, but I'll get you more tea later." said Dolores, sipping her own tea with her pinky in the air.

"I want more tea! NOW!" whined Bellatrix. She stomped her foot at Dolores like she was a three-year-old.

"No need to get feisty, dear." said Dolores. Bellatrix started crying because she thought Dolores was yelling at her.

Fenrir finished his tea and decided Bellatrix crying was really annoying. "If I let you torture me, would you stop crying?"

"NO!"

"What if I bought you a pet Chihuahua?" asked Fenrir.

"What if I wanted 1,000 Galleons?" asked Bellatrix.

"What if I gave you 750 Galleons and let you torture me until I feel like I'm on fire?"

"What if I said it's a deal?"

Fenrir handed Bellatrix the Galleons and said, "How about you torture me later?"

"How about I do it now?"

"GUYS!" screamed Dolores. "I want you to hold one of my hands and come and sit down and I'll read you a bedtime story."

Fenrir turned forward rolls over to Dolores, and Bellatrix did some pirouettes.

Dolores read them a story about a talking tea kettle. It was easier than having children of her own.

By the time the story was over Bellatrix and Fenrir were asleep and dreaming, respectively, of warm mittens and mashed potatoes. Dolores thought she'd take them to the Sahara and have a tea party more often.


End file.
